sexy is so many things.: security - with just a dash of daring, confidence - with a just brief hint of vulnerability, raw power - with a scant wiff of innocence, sharing, eye contact, charm, interesting hobbies, music, and yes, perhaps black speedos too? is that possible? yes, all of those things! it’s friday and we know sexy when we see it. yup. extra additional hotness on the fail blog too.
taking the art of dining to new and savory heights comes this clip from a japanese game show with pointers on the proper way to eat marshmellows. can it be done any other way? i don’t think so. side note: with the competing teams in this video wearing red and blue outfits, i can’t help think of US politics and that someday this is how our elections will be decided. awesome! thanks jamie for the clip!
do you sometimes attempt to feel slightly better about yourself by rejoicing in the embarrassment and/or failures of others? well, you are not alone. serving up slices of fail pie are these three photo blogs that will darken or brighten your day: the fail blog, shipment of fail, and doing it wrong. failing never felt so good.
it’s friday and giantmonster would like to provide a clear example of how to ruin a billboard. it’s simple, as seen in these pics from the las vegas mccarran international airport baggage claim area. just place the words ‘carrot top’ and ‘fantasy’ right next to each other. you look up and read ‘carrot top fantasy’ and your mind will almost immediately shut down. carrot top and fantasy are words that should NEVER be used in the same sentence, much less follow each other in the same sentence. yet in vegas, such horrors exist. why? so scary. you are warned. please travel safe! previous carrot top horrors unleashed here.
apparently word is getting around that clowns are creepy, and possibly even scary. a university of sheffield england study seen on the bbc news states that the majority of children find clown images too scary and that children find clown faces and imagery frightening and unknowable. yikes! perhaps if england had a decent child clown outlet like we do in the states, the thoughts of clowns wouldn’t be seen as so scary.
though it’s not coming to any victoria’s secret shop anytime soon, it does make smuggling contraband so much more exciting and sexy! yes, it’s the plunderbra - as in to plunder, steal, or loot (click the pic to the left for a more detailed image). very inventive & ingenius. this custom made bra was used to smuggle $195,540 (£100,000) of cocaine into Britain. special! one can only wonder of the undetected plunder brought in prior to the plunderbra’s final blunder. yes …
for those of you who have embarked or are embarking into the magical world of raising a baby, giantmonster salutes you. and we would like to help by pointing you in the direction of some very handy parenting flash cards. from c00lstuff.com comes the awesome do’s and don’ts with babies. print them out and paste them all over your house for quick reference. some of the guidelines are posted below. enjoy & happy parenting!
ladies & gentleman, from a radiographs photo set on flickr created by surfacant, i bring you the dildo. quoting the caption from the photo on flickr: What I do appreciate, though, are the patients who are in this situation and just get brutally honest with you. “I was getting off on this thing in my ass and it went too deep.” there you go. this makes me wonder if there is a hallmark card made for every occassion & special moment. yes, there has to be. thanks surfacant!
think you’ve got roller skating skills? how about limbo-skating? check out the article on daily mail titled the amazingly flexible boy, 6, who can limbo-skate under cars. it’s about aniket chindak, a boy in india who holds the unofficial world record for ‘limbo-skating.’ aniket is training to break his own world record of skating under 57 cars in 45 seconds.
update:
oh boy! now with video!
while the quest for an even more hi-res version continues, giantmonster would like to thank one of our 13 readers - 10nito - for sending in the larger and more complete image above of the very mighty & sought after star wars awesome poster previously posted on giantmonster. ps - the poster was originally created by hugh fleming. thanks 10nito!!
what doth life, you ask? well, sunday night november 4th at midnight on adult swim (and soon after, a bittorrent site near you), it’s highway to heaven meets wondershowzen meets billy jack meets jeff spicoli meets half-life with six-nipple goodness! yes, it’s xavier: renegade angel. the weirdness and humor of xavier renegade angel happens so fast that you’ll wake up ten years from now finally getting phrases and punchlines that were too clever and sophisticated for your limited 2007 brain to comprehend. so stock up on futuristic weirdness while you can! props to the kids at cinematico for all their hard work!
if you are like me, you’ve always wanted to give all your friends syphillis, maybe some HIV, a touch of black death, and even some athlete’s foot each & every holiday season. well now you finally can! the geniuses at GIANTmicrobes have created a plush line of just that - giant microbes! yes, there’s the flesh eating virus (with embroidered knife & fork!), gonorrhea, mad cow, and so much more! with marketing tag lines for their dolls such as scum that go “he may look like the scum of the earth, but once you cross paths he’s sure to grow on you” - how can you resist?
always good to read up on important news, especially when that important news is a possible bigfoot sighting in pennsylvania. yeah! check out the photo to the left. sure, you might be thinking ‘that’s a bear with a case of the mange doing push-ups’ or, you could be very alert and open-minded and think ‘finally, the sasquatches are coming down from the hills to destroy all of our computer equipment and set us free!’ i can always dream, can’t i? i’d better let blogfoot know about this.
meet my new hero. his name is paul addis. tuesday morning at 2:45am-ish he set the burning man effigy on fire (4 days before the scheduled burn) and was arrested and charged with arson. gotta love the irony! and great mugshot picture too! i think it’s officially time to form a new festival of radical self-expression. extensive coverage over at laughing squid. you can contribute to paul’s bail money fund over at freepauladdis.com. i picked a hell of a year to skip out.
combining over-hyped y2k fears with that classic good time christian feeling of the end of the world equals pure marketing genius!! yes it does. take a bit a doom, a bit of gloom, add lots of saccharin, and blend with the creamy, deeeeep voice of the cyborg announcer chuck ohman, and you’ve got the year 2000 time bomb! please watch and learn, ’cause it’s your last chance … WARNING: the magic vibrational voice of chuck ohman may actually lull you into buying something.
is it me you’re looking for? answer: yes. why wasn’t sculpture class like this when i was in school? to truly understand the magic of the video for Hello by lionel richie, one must become the video for Hello by lionel richie. hence, the hello experiment. the hello experiment seeks to capture the wonder, imagination, and beauty that is lionel richie’s massive jaw lovingly formed in wet brown clay by sightless, open hearted souls. awesome! it’s either a goofy and fun nostalgic paraody or a tragic spell created by demons to open a hell-mouth that will swallow us all. watch and see (note: please download the song Hello at your leisure so you can sculpt your very own lionel richie). thanks cobras!
download:
Lionel_Richie_Hello.zip (3.9 megabytes)
the science unit at giantmonster has concluded that the battery pack module we recently installed in one of our life-like cyborg Nick Nolte units has a malfunction, causing the system software to crash. some of the servo motors in this particular cyborg nolte will need to be replaced as well. we apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. thank you derek for helping to locate our malfunctioning robot nolte.
it’s friday, and my philippine prison is waaay better than your crummy american prison! how so? while your prisoners are busy hiding meth in their orifices, lifting weights, and fighting, my super rad phillipine prisoners from the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center in cebu, philippines, are busy re-enacting all the dance moves from the michael jackson video ‘Thriller’. yes. really. in unison. all 1,500 of them. complete with a (scary - yikes) tranny stand-in for ola ray. POW!
wow. there’s crazy post on who-sucks dot com titled monstrous myostatin misfortunes with equally crazy pics of some mighty massive muscle magnification caused by myostatin deficiency. oh my! myostatin is a hormone that regulates muscle growth. too much myostatin and you may not have enough muscle mass. too little myostatin and, well, you are super buffed and strong without really trying. i have to remember to ask santa for just a wee bit of a myostatin deficiency this year. yikes.
the last we saw of little billy was that he went inside the super fun giant inflatable monkey crotch and we haven’t seen him since. all that is left are his little shoes … billy? where are you? are you safe?
thank you kelley (& jamie!) for the wrong-ness.
the staff of one at giantmonster is slimming down for the summer with this hot new diet. you should do it too! it’s simple - all you have to do is eat live frogs and live rats on a daily basis and watch the pounds just melt off! yeah, awesome! you are allowed baby rats and mice to snack in between meals. it is also said to cure minor tummy aches and pains. and it’s low carb too (fart!).
wow. now that’s a fucking big pig (or rather 9 foot 4 inch boar). incredible.
UPDATE
more of the giant boar and information at the aptly named website monsterpig.com.
and more piggy pics to peruse located here too.
the brilliant minds at the Holotypic Occlupanid Research Group (HORG!) provide an excellent and free scientific resource for all to learn from: intensive study and classification of bread tie species. yes, bread ties. you’ve used them all your life, but do you really know them? HORG is here to help. HORG’s research covers bread tie taxonomy, life and habits, known species, and some mutations. from the HORG website:
Class Occlupania (Occlu=to close, pan= bread) are placed under the Kingdom Microsynthera, Phylum Plasticae. Occlupanids share phylum Plasticae with “45″ record holders, plastic juice covers, and other often ignored small plastic objects.
my brain is hurting from the influx of knowledge. i like that - thank you HORG! thank you.
okay. weirdness. you’ll see, 30 seconds in. laughable, yet still creepy. um, i don’t know what to say. maybe that i’m sorry. really sorry. or how about ‘oh, that poor ottoman!’ but all i have is .. ummmm, whhuuuuuuut?
it’s friday, and what do you do when there’s a big - really big - man-shaped thing walking around in your back yard. call 9-1-1. good stuff. this audio clip is edited & i haven’t been able to find the full version. in return, i offer you this rad stabilized film clip of the famous patterson bigfoot footage (via bigfootencounters.com). previous sasquatch joy here.
this youtube clip is so simple, i wish i had thought of it. and i really wish for the whole song to play. still watchable. the very random addition/buzzkill of sleestaks is kind of nice though. or is it?
hey - wow! what a cool gift idea for toddlers: a de-fanged cobra that’s all hissy & cuddly! i want one! tickle-me-elmos are sooo tired anyway. get over here, you crazy cuddly cobra! ouch .. ow .. ouch.
david hasselhoff. eating a hamburger. visibly drunk. being filmed by one of his children. wearing blue jeans. and no t-shirt. sound kinda weird - like a crazy dream? well, it is weird and it’s definitely not a dream. and yes, of course, there is video (this is the full video, sans commentary). other vids here and here too. oddly enough, this performance by david hasselhoff is considered sober. crazy. so yes, it’s friday, and no fancy black trans-am can save you now. i blame garthe knight.
it’s friday & i am going to have to hit the gym now after watching this über pumped up video by german electro pop band deichkind (link contains embedded audio). power up! you can do it! touch yourself! please watch ‘Ich betäube mich‘ (links to quicktime) which means ‘you’re doing great!’ directed by Alex&Liane. director of photography by christopher häring. lots of in-your-face beefcake + infomercial + WTF video goodness. seems even better that i can’t understand what is being said - all i get is the raw power! giantmonster wants to know why tim biskup’s helper monster is running around in the background? that seems to make it more strange though, so all is well. thank you claudine for the link!
it’s friday - the end of the week. and you’re hungry. well hunger no more! grab your spoons for only the finest: cock flavoured soup! spicy too! yum yum! this is either a really naive choice in wording or a brilliant marketing design. so good! and sure, there is really high sodium content in just 2 tablespoons of this flavorful cock soup. but how else can you get that intense cock flavor? don’t answer that. thank you jim for bringing this in!
