giantmonster!

indiana jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull is out in theaters. it’s the fourth installment of the indiana jones movie series. and if you are an indy fan, or just someone who really enjoyed raiders of the lost ark, the temple of doom, or even possibly the last crusade, then my advice to you is to go see iron man again. seriously. you’ll be happy with that decision. another option is to just stay at home and rent the tv series bj and the bear on dvd. granted, that really totally sucks too. but at least you are empowered and in control by actively choosing to see something dumb, hokey, and bad. with indiana groans and the crystal dull, you don’t get that. the indy 4 hype - don’t believe it! this movie is terrible! while i appreciate the kindness and foresight of my friends who just told me that ‘it was entertaining’ so that i wouldn’t pre-judge the movie and therefore form my own opinion, i would prefer to know that i was headed into the raiders of the lost ark equivalent of the phantom menace. yeah, i mean that. it just sucked. the progressively lamer story line, the acting, the bad accents, the fake & artificial lighting of the scenes, the ground hogs, the monkeys, the LaBeouf (bad!), and the seriously cheesy ending all added up to Not Even Worth $11. and like a drawn out bad date or an ongoing terrible relationship, at first you’ll want to believe what you just experienced didn’t suck. but it did! and it does. sure, yes, it got a great review and cannes. true! but i would remind you that there is a lot of serious drinking and heavy drug use going on at cannes. so that review cannot be trusted. and yes, indiana jones 4 made a ton of money this weekend. also true! no doubt about that. but keep in mind that in the same world where indy 4 (and phantom menace) make a lot of money, the band milli vanilli sold millions of albums and also won a grammy! not good. so do yourself a favor and avoid indiana jones 4. as a movie goer, i see that you have three choices: option 1 - you can keep the dream alive that the indiana jones franchise was a fun movie series by skipping indy 4 and renting raiders of the lost ark (or bj and the bear - that’s your call). option 2 - you can go and see indiana jones and the crystal skull and cash in your pleasant childhood memories and feel slightly duped. option 3 - learn from the movie go-ers at cannes: drink alcohol and take a lot of high end party drugs, then go see indiana jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull. granted, you may feel slightly duped, but odds are you won’t care - and the movie will totally rock!