if you are like me, you’ve always wanted to give all your friends syphillis, maybe some HIV, a touch of black death, and even some athlete’s foot each & every holiday season. well now you finally can! the geniuses at GIANTmicrobes have created a plush line of just that - giant microbes! yes, there’s the flesh eating virus (with embroidered knife & fork!), gonorrhea, mad cow, and so much more! with marketing tag lines for their dolls such as scum that go “he may look like the scum of the earth, but once you cross paths he’s sure to grow on you” - how can you resist?
Archive for the 'oddities' Category
always good to read up on important news, especially when that important news is a possible bigfoot sighting in pennsylvania. yeah! check out the photo to the left. sure, you might be thinking ‘that’s a bear with a case of the mange doing push-ups’ or, you could be very alert and open-minded and think ‘finally, the sasquatches are coming down from the hills to destroy all of our computer equipment and set us free!’ i can always dream, can’t i? i’d better let blogfoot know about this.
meet my new hero. his name is paul addis. tuesday morning at 2:45am-ish he set the burning man effigy on fire (4 days before the scheduled burn) and was arrested and charged with arson. gotta love the irony! and great mugshot picture too! i think it’s officially time to form a new festival of radical self-expression. extensive coverage over at laughing squid. you can contribute to paul’s bail money fund over at freepauladdis.com. i picked a hell of a year to skip out.
combining over-hyped y2k fears with that classic good time christian feeling of the end of the world equals pure marketing genius!! yes it does. take a bit a doom, a bit of gloom, add lots of saccharin, and blend with the creamy, deeeeep voice of the cyborg announcer chuck ohman, and you’ve got the year 2000 time bomb! please watch and learn, ’cause it’s your last chance … WARNING: the magic vibrational voice of chuck ohman may actually lull you into buying something.
is it me you’re looking for? answer: yes. why wasn’t sculpture class like this when i was in school? to truly understand the magic of the video for Hello by lionel richie, one must become the video for Hello by lionel richie. hence, the hello experiment. the hello experiment seeks to capture the wonder, imagination, and beauty that is lionel richie’s massive jaw lovingly formed in wet brown clay by sightless, open hearted souls. awesome! it’s either a goofy and fun nostalgic paraody or a tragic spell created by demons to open a hell-mouth that will swallow us all. watch and see (note: please download the song Hello at your leisure so you can sculpt your very own lionel richie). thanks cobras!
download:
Lionel_Richie_Hello.zip (3.9 megabytes)
the science unit at giantmonster has concluded that the battery pack module we recently installed in one of our life-like cyborg Nick Nolte units has a malfunction, causing the system software to crash. some of the servo motors in this particular cyborg nolte will need to be replaced as well. we apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. thank you derek for helping to locate our malfunctioning robot nolte.
it’s friday, and my philippine prison is waaay better than your crummy american prison! how so? while your prisoners are busy hiding meth in their orifices, lifting weights, and fighting, my super rad phillipine prisoners from the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center in cebu, philippines, are busy re-enacting all the dance moves from the michael jackson video ‘Thriller’. yes. really. in unison. all 1,500 of them. complete with a (scary - yikes) tranny stand-in for ola ray. POW!
wow. there’s crazy post on who-sucks dot com titled monstrous myostatin misfortunes with equally crazy pics of some mighty massive muscle magnification caused by myostatin deficiency. oh my! myostatin is a hormone that regulates muscle growth. too much myostatin and you may not have enough muscle mass. too little myostatin and, well, you are super buffed and strong without really trying. i have to remember to ask santa for just a wee bit of a myostatin deficiency this year. yikes.
the last we saw of little billy was that he went inside the super fun giant inflatable monkey crotch and we haven’t seen him since. all that is left are his little shoes … billy? where are you? are you safe?
thank you kelley (& jamie!) for the wrong-ness.
the staff of one at giantmonster is slimming down for the summer with this hot new diet. you should do it too! it’s simple - all you have to do is eat live frogs and live rats on a daily basis and watch the pounds just melt off! yeah, awesome! you are allowed baby rats and mice to snack in between meals. it is also said to cure minor tummy aches and pains. and it’s low carb too (fart!).
wow. now that’s a fucking big pig (or rather 9 foot 4 inch boar). incredible.
UPDATE
more of the giant boar and information at the aptly named website monsterpig.com.
and more piggy pics to peruse located here too.
the brilliant minds at the Holotypic Occlupanid Research Group (HORG!) provide an excellent and free scientific resource for all to learn from: intensive study and classification of bread tie species. yes, bread ties. you’ve used them all your life, but do you really know them? HORG is here to help. HORG’s research covers bread tie taxonomy, life and habits, known species, and some mutations. from the HORG website:
Class Occlupania (Occlu=to close, pan= bread) are placed under the Kingdom Microsynthera, Phylum Plasticae. Occlupanids share phylum Plasticae with “45″ record holders, plastic juice covers, and other often ignored small plastic objects.
my brain is hurting from the influx of knowledge. i like that - thank you HORG! thank you.
okay. weirdness. you’ll see, 30 seconds in. laughable, yet still creepy. um, i don’t know what to say. maybe that i’m sorry. really sorry. or how about ‘oh, that poor ottoman!’ but all i have is .. ummmm, whhuuuuuuut?
it’s friday, and what do you do when there’s a big - really big - man-shaped thing walking around in your back yard. call 9-1-1. good stuff. this audio clip is edited & i haven’t been able to find the full version. in return, i offer you this rad stabilized film clip of the famous patterson bigfoot footage (via bigfootencounters.com). previous sasquatch joy here.
this youtube clip is so simple, i wish i had thought of it. and i really wish for the whole song to play. still watchable. the very random addition/buzzkill of sleestaks is kind of nice though. or is it?
hey - wow! what a cool gift idea for toddlers: a de-fanged cobra that’s all hissy & cuddly! i want one! tickle-me-elmos are sooo tired anyway. get over here, you crazy cuddly cobra! ouch .. ow .. ouch.
david hasselhoff. eating a hamburger. visibly drunk. being filmed by one of his children. wearing blue jeans. and no t-shirt. sound kinda weird - like a crazy dream? well, it is weird and it’s definitely not a dream. and yes, of course, there is video (this is the full video, sans commentary). other vids here and here too. oddly enough, this performance by david hasselhoff is considered sober. crazy. so yes, it’s friday, and no fancy black trans-am can save you now. i blame garthe knight.
it’s friday - the end of the week. and you’re hungry. well hunger no more! grab your spoons for only the finest: cock flavoured soup! spicy too! yum yum! this is either a really naive choice in wording or a brilliant marketing design. so good! and sure, there is really high sodium content in just 2 tablespoons of this flavorful cock soup. but how else can you get that intense cock flavor? don’t answer that. thank you jim for bringing this in!
i guess these sort of things just happen when you buy a samurai sword and a high speed camera. slow motion tomato slicing with a super sharp samuri sword at its finest. if you hate tomatoes, this may thrill you to no end.
over on a blog called sport people there’s an amusing to quite funny photograph collection of assorted athletes action shots and faces in mid-exertion called funny sport. good times.
the mullet, a haircut spanning all social classes and ages, and often described as ‘business in the front, party in the back’, is alive and kicking. case in point: the amazing amount of photos over at mulletjunky (frames website). holy yikes! so many mullets, so few good barbers & stylists. raw america at it’s finest! don’t miss the mullabinos, mullatinos, mullets for ladies, the rise of the skullets, and the top mullet pix archive.
it’s friday. and all i can say is this hella heavanly van is waaaayy cooler than your van. totally. way. cooler. hats off! wow - that is too good. i wanna ride! we can roll by the comic-con in style! neverending story 1 on the passenger side + never ending story 2 on the driver side = HOT!!!!!!!!!!!
darn it - i missed stretch monster week over at neatocoolville! yes, neatocoolville is where everything and anything stretch monster related can be found. everything from a stretch monster coloring book (with such sexy poses!), the stretch monster box art, stretch monster anatomy, a stretch monster birthday cake baked by yours truly, and a lot more. check it out when you get a chance.
in 14 hours and 13 minutes from now, something very fun and very similar (but on a much larger scale) to the video posted below will be taking place in san francsico. yes, the pillow fight returns to SF! more info on last years pillow fight here. what can i say? see you there ….
it’s friday. end of the week. i hope you are wearing a half-shirt today. yes, it’s time to turn gay. yes, truly. and giantmonster wants to help! how? simple (way more simple than you think!). apparently & according to love god’s way ministries you can put all this pent up heterosexuality behind you and turn hella gay by listening to specific bands & music that will make you a gay. amazing. elton john is so gay he’s mentioned twice. and very little disco. wow - who knew? well, not just ted haggart, but donny davies too. donnie seems to know a thing or two about gayness. if this offends anyone, please just relax, let the spirit of andy kaufman fill your heart and say ‘meet the new borat.’ and, if you like, you can also bolster your heterosexuality by listening to non-gay ( a.k.a. ’shitty’) bands too. save that for later. for now, just access those music mix below (sorry, no elton john) and get onto turning gay! you’re welcome.
download:
music-to-turn-gay-by.zip (39.6 megabytes)
track listing:
Bjork - All Is Full Of Love
David Bowie - Ashes To Ashes
Culture Club - Time (Clock of the Heart)
Queen - Play The Game
Judas Priest - Turbo Lover
Depeche Mode - Never Let Me Down Again
Interpol - Not Even Jail
Le Tigre - Deceptacon
more fun with LEDs to be had here, especially with this link from brad: the silicone ‘nerve’ bra! part fashion, part flashlight - 100% bra. made by enlighted.com, where they have more light-up bras, pants, vests, suits, and other ready made LED light up gear.
a marvelous event happend last year around this time. and today, the giantmonster headquarters got an anonymous tip (thank you!!!) with great news: the pillowfight is returning to SF for 2007! yes! choose your pillow wisely and come out and prepare to eat feathers! are you down with that? the same pillow fighting arena of justin herman plaza has been chosen. the date? february 14th (of course). and the rules? they are simple and very much like last years:
1) Tell everyone you know about PILLOW FIGHT!!!
2) Tell EVERYONE YOU KNOW about Pillow Fight !!!!!! (done!)
3) Nothing in your pillow but pillow
4) Do not hit anyone with out a pillow
5) Do not hit anyone with a camera
please note: last years rules of Wait for the Ferry Building clock to strike 6:00pm and Have Fun still apply. see you there! please spread the word!
how do you deal with a truly bullshit media circus? the same media that gives a cake walk to our political leaders on pretty much everything but gets irate when their own dumb dialouge and faux discussion format is spun back at them? simple: talk about hair. just hair. and take talking about hair seriously. very seriously. then watch the press get mad. brilliant. i love these guys! also, does this look like a bomb to you? then how about this? ‘dude, there’s a light-up LED thingy with a bit-map character flipping me off on the overpass … must be a terrorist bomb plot.’ are we that far gone? then we have become too paranoid. or is only the city of boston (or boston’s mayor) that lame? good photo gallery of the event. and a great video of the making of the LED signs on youtube too. the hair-raising press conference is below.
wow - i have been going to the bathroom all wrong these last 30+ years. at least that’s what i get from watching this animated japanese instructional video on potty training called how to poop. there are no songs nor any signing, i do not teleport onto the toilet seat like this animated kid does, my feces and urine do not laugh and smile back at me, no sound effects to alert me of impending bathroom trip, and no pinata breaks open after i take a dump (well, maybe it does somewhere in the world, which is kind of nice when you think about it). be sure to watch for the live action segment at the end - grunting never looked so cute. watch. learn. enjoy.